Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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