he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
