Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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