There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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