Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
