Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
