who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
