A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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