I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
