Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
