saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
