Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
