Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
