I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
