he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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