did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
