does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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