By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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