my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
