there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
