Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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