the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
