I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
