:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
