found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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