Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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