I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
