Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
