Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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