my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
