Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
