I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
