umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
