is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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