Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
