I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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