That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
