You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
