you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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