i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
