i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
