At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
