and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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