At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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