you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
