Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(252): View more from North Carolina

just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

SMART GIRL

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(914): View more from New York

If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.

(914): View more from New York

I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.

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(727): View more from Florida

Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with

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(907): View more from Alaska

I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead

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(816): View more from Missouri

Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?

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(443): View more from Maryland

To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.

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