I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
