I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Farmville is her only friend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
