no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
