home. puking in laundry basket.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
