His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
