So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
