she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
