I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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