I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
