just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
