I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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